Suki

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. Phillipians 4:6

I was going through a pretty anxious time last year. Friends advised me to "give it to God". But few people who offer that trite advice can actually tell you how. So I took them literally. I spent time in prayer envisioning literally handing things I cared about the most, and therefore worried about the most, over to God.

One of the subjects of stress was my dog, Suki. Since I adopted her years ago, she has dealt with major medical issues, the worst of which is intervertebral disk disease. If she overworks her back, her spinal chord gets inflammed and causes temporary (and if untreated, permanent) paralysis. After several bouts of medical treatment, and finally a very expensive spinal surgery, I am near the end of my financial abilities with her medical bills.

The vets have suggested no jumping or using stairs and have shown me a very specific way to carry her when I pick her up. Holding her in this position allows her back to remain straight and keeps her stabilized up against my side - kind of like a runningback gripping a football in one arm as he heads for the endzone.

One morning during this particularly anxious time, Suki started walking a little oddly. I immediately feared the worst and began to worry her back was going out again. In my prayer time, I tried to imagine giving her to Jesus, asking him to care for her and help shoulder my stress as well. As I was handing Suki over in my mind, I quickly yanked her back, thinking, "But...but you don't know how to hold her right!"

Then this flashed through my mind. And I realized: actually, he does! :)

McDreamy

At that time the disciples came to Jesus and asked, "Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?" He called a little child and had him stand among them. And he said: "I tell you the truth, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. Matthew 18:1-3

I used to think Brad Pitt was hot. Then I went to grad school. I had to take anatomy classes where I learned about all the muscles, tendons and bones from the torso up. The next time I saw a movie with a shirtless Brad Pitt, my mind responded differently. Instead of a deep sigh and a dreamy swoon, I thought, "Wow, he has well defined external intercostal muscles," snorted and pushed my glasses back up my nose.

The cost of intellectualism is high - a loss of romance, the absence of mystery, a sterile form of beauty.

Sometimes I feel like I do this to God. I am an analytical person. I like data. I am always asking, "Why?" I research what I don't understand. I construct formulas for the way He works. I make legends for what certain feelings mean. I write down how He has appeared in the past to predict which way I should look for Him coming in the future. I try to figure Him out.

Now, I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting to know more about God. Solomon tells us in Proverbs that blessed is the man who finds wisdom and gains understanding. But I do think that in trying to peg Him down so specifically, trying to figure out all the whys and hows and wheres and whens, I often lose some of the awe and the wonder that comes with a pure child-like faith.

You Say Tomato...

Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. Hebrews 11:1

I’m not saying these tomato plants have any special powers. I’m just saying I seem to have epiphanies when I sit on my porch swing and stare into them. Today is no exception.

As I look at them early this morning, I finally begin to feel a little faith as I notice the small green orbs growing off each yellow starred blossom. I potted these plants as mere babes several months ago. I’ve watered them at least twice a day throughout one of the hottest, driest early summers of recorded history. And they grew and they wrinkled and they leaned over and nearly died and then they grew some more. But not a single tomato. And today I am looking at these three plants I have invested so much time and effort into and FINALLY – finally I see some progress. And I realize in this moment that I am not a woman of endurance.

These tomato plants took only a few months to bear fruit and I wanted to give up on them long ago. Is it any wonder I am weak at evangelism? I am a woman of immediate gratification. When I see nothing happening, I assume nothing is happening. And I lose heart. If faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see, I pray for God to help me trust in He is at work, even when I can’t see the fruit.